How do I get over jealousy? And fear of not being accepted or of being left behind in a group?

Fear is usually one of the biggest or toughest emotion we feel and stirs many other secondary or outer emotions.

My advice to face or overcome such challenges would be..

Fear of being left behind in the group

Short term (immediately to face them)

  1. Recognising or identifying any emotion that your feeling is the first step. Can you see yourself as the person, separate from your emotions. (like you just did now by recognising it). Silent time practices are great to strengthen this detachment process.
  2. Label the emotion (which you have done), sometimes we can be wrong or there could be other hidden or underlying emotions/incidents which has triggered the outer emotion.
  3. Speak or express this emotion out loud to someone or to yourself. Like I’m feeling jealous, or scared or left out and so on. The sting is removed and it will usually not be so overwhelming anymore and be manageable.
  4. Think of the worst-case scenario, is it really that bad or what’s the really worst thing that could happen in such situations.
  5. Find any solution or way to deal with this worst case. Even if the solution or path is not ideal or useless or mediocre or not good at all. Still, keep this solution as fall-back option and when you have a little more time to think, think of alternative or better paths. You don’t have to act on any, having them will help you tackle such situations better.

Long term (to strengthen yourself so it becomes easier to deal with them in the future)

Silent Time – observe yourself and your thoughts and emotions as separate from you

Journaling – Until you can speak to someone, this is the next best thing, must b hie handwritten not typed out when it involves feeling-will.

Gatekeeper pick a tougher one than watering plants, like cleaning the dining table or something which makes you work a little More and then practice to detach from feelings and thoughts at your will.

Listening – as indicated in the task to others in your group, you will understand them better and your doubts of jealousy may actually be misplaced or fade.

Speak or express your emotion regularly and for that you must seek someone you trust to whom you could speak. They must be able to listen like you would listen to them – like the camp task – easier said than done.

This will help you overcome many of the challenges people in general face today, but finding people who will genuinely listen well

is not going to be easy. Probably why therapists/counselling role is a good career to opt for today 🙂

Meditate – by filling yourself in an abundance of love. No human can meet this need for anyone, except some universal power source.

Understanding /perspective

The only person you can control or change is yourself. If you feel you can control outside forces (including other people) it’s an illusion.

Detaching from joy and misery, they are 2 sides of the same coin. If you say, I’ll take only joy then misery comes along as well 😊 If you take only misery then joy will come too. Detach from both as a goal, your still young but something you can strive towards it as the years roll.

Become aware. Doesn’t mean we don’t laugh or cry, but become aware of them and that both will pass in time.

Detach from your feelings and thoughts when doing any work. You cannot simply wish it away with awareness, the journey is through doing your daily work, first do it for simple work like the gatekeeper, come rain or shine, come compliments or criticism, feeling good or not.

Later take such an approach to all your other tangible work and soon this approach will trickle into relationships with people and you will find it easier to manage emotional roller coaster of life.

Feelings of jealousy will arise, when we think that love, affection, warmth and caring is a limited resource and if its been given to someone then we will have less of it. What if they like them or want them more than me? Let go of such thoughts with a feeling of abundance of love as such friendships and love will be met by another. It was meant to be in your life as long as it was meant to be, sometimes people move on, accept it and the tighter you hold them like the sand, the easier or sooner they will slip away.

Fear is a beast you must slay, or it affect your work (will) in more ways than one, affect your behaviour, your habits and so on.

Fear is overcome by expressing (voice/speaking is best, any other forms will do as well). Bravery task and gratitude task are also forms of expression and strengthens or builds courage in a big way.

• All the tasks mentioned in the camp take time to show its full effect, what you’re seeing is the effect of only 21 days, and if you can keep a longer practice or continue many of these task for 3 months to a year then it will become easy at many levels to overcome your personal challenges.

The fact that you have asked this question on the group itself shows your courage in a good place, you need to now channelise and become aware of certain things.

Strolling in a way mulling, which Natasha mentioned earlier will help in your reflections as well.

Sometimes, it is easier to advice over a call, if your still have more queries or want clarifications then do reach out to Natasha or me.

Wishing you lots of courage!

#skillsbeyondorganization #varunafoundation

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